Self-reflection is a handy tool! When I come back down to earth and see myself for what I am, human, I'm reminded of my imperfections and comforted by the idea that so is everyone else! We're all equal and we're all flawed. We all make mistakes every day and the only person stopping me from putting an end to the madness is of course MYSELF! and that is OKAY! Understanding myself and my imperfections has aided my ability to be extremely open in mind and heart for others. It is a liberating way to live, putting judgements aside, having empathy for others whose path you haven't walked. A little love and understanding goes a long way.
Back on topic meow...bad habits. Need to squash em. Here we go.
Number 1: Addiction(s)
I have overcome many addictions in my short life. Food was the first, becoming obese by the age of 10. It was torture and lead to another addiction, battling bulimia for nearly a decade. Along the way I picked up and dropped off addictions to several drugs, the worst was Xanax. I needed it to feel normal but instead I completely lost myself and much else in the process. I also had temporary struggles with cocaine, ecstasy and alcohol. Anything to get high. Anything to forget.
With the worst of my addictions left in the past I'm down to two; Facebook and nicotine.
Facebook, oh Facebook. I love it and I hate it. I love having a way to keep in touch with friends and family, seeing how people have changed and grown and their beautiful lives and families. But I hate how much negativity I see as well. Bashing others, blasting ignorance and hatred instead of tolerance and love. For every post that makes me smile, there's another post or comment that evokes passionate anger and disgust, making it hard to hold my tongue. I live with the urge to defend anyone and everyone who wishes to share their opinions freely, in a non-offensive way, even if I don't agree. We all have the right to our own beliefs and diversity is what makes this world so beautiful. Agree to disagree. Let others have their opinion respectfully and peacefully. Have an open mind. Its amazing how much you can learn and how much perspective you gain when you do so. ITS OKAY FOR OTHER PEOPLE TO THINK DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU AND VICE VERSA.
Nicotine. I quit cigarettes. Yay for me. I've been smoking since I was a freshmen in high school and I finally found it within myself to cut the shit out after smoking at least half a pack a day for the past 3 years. But this damn E-cig. I think its more of an oral fixation than a nicotine addiction but I can't put the thing down. Sure my health has improved drastically and my singing range has nearly doubled, but Its extremely annoying to feel dependent on something so stupid. If I misplace it I nearly have an anxiety attack trying to find it and that is NOT okay. Not to mention how consistently it malfunctions and it is NOT a cheaper alternative. Plus I don't know the long term effects so the sooner I quit the better. I traded one addiction for another and I cannot truly celebrate quitting smoking until I quit using an E-Cig.
The Plan:
Rome wasn't built in a day and all that shnazzz and they say it's best to take baby steps so that's what I will do. As of right now I do not intend to say goodbye to Facebook forever, but to stop depending on it. I have already removed the App from my phone and I plan on taking a hiatus for one month starting tomorrow, Dec.2-Jan.2. I will temporarily delete my profile and communicate with people face to face, over the phone, or via text message. After the month if I feel superbly liberated from it I will keep it down longer. We'll see how I'm feeling in a month!
As far as the E-cig is concerned, tomorrow, I will start by using it every other hour. While I can use it for one, the next I will put it away and will not touch it until the hour is over. I will increase the amount of time I do not use it every day. So day two, 2 hours of non-use for every hour of use, day 3-3 hours of non-use for every hour of use and so on until I can learn to live without it. Self control is a funny thing.
Everyday I will use this blog to hold myself accountable for my progress and actions and I will continue adding new ways I plan to improve.
Blog is great, blog is good. Typing up a storm definitely keeps the mind and hands occupied so there's no room for those bad habits while you're in the zone. I love you, Kat! You've come such a long way in the past few years and I'm proud to be your friend. You can squash this shit. I have faith in you.
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