Early Bird gets the Beard!

HA.

I suck....

but some good stuff has also happened. As far as Facebook is concerned, I'm on day 3 of no Facebook. Hasn't been too hard, although I constantly try to open it on my phone and *gasp* its not there! Apparently my second choice for mindless phone browsing is my photo gallery. Funny thing about that is I accidentally deleted all of my pictures a few weeks ago so there's not much to look at there. I also realized how big a role Facebook plays as a visual aid when talking to people about stuff. On a positive note, I have only used my phone for what it was originally intended for and for texting and taking a few pics. Its been pretty awesome not being attached to a cellular device 24/7.

and the e-cig...well that's where we have an opportunity to stamp a big, fat FAILURE on my forehead! I started out good on tuesday (day 1). Hour 1 I used it, hour 2 I put it away. Hour 3 I used. Hour 4 I put it away. I almost cheated by a few minutes but I stuck to it. Hour 5 I used it then forgot to check the time and before I knew it I had accidentally been using it at the beginning of hour 6. I could have put it away and started the hour again, but instead like the loser I am with a total lack of self-control, I kept using it and haven't stuck to my plan since. I will try again today and we'll just have to see how this goes. I know I can do this. and I have plenty of cleaning to distract me from use today. My official goal is to quit before I leave for Mexico on the 18th and to leave it at home. 5 days of non-use will be a HUGE help. After all, I used my week-long trip to Missouri this past summer to quit cigarettes and it worked. New environment+new routine=kat's cheat method for quitting addictive shit! In the meantime, my hour of non-use has just begun! we'll see how this goes...

Let's talk new goals!
Without much effort, I've accidentally been sticking to some ideas I haven't yet discussed. First, to dedicate at LEAST 1-2 hours a day to music, and second, to read for at least 20-30 minutes a day.(resisting the temptation to grab my e-cig ahhhh). I know I'm pathetic. Anyways, after a stellar band rehearsal on tuesday and a possible first show lined up(shhh its a secret!), it's been hard not to dedicate some extra time. I've noticed I get somewhat depressed when there are long intervals between working on music, but as soon as I do I feel completely refreshed and excited. Ah man I miss the sweet stage and I am anxiously awaiting my return!

I went on a reading binge at the beginning of the summer after not reading for years and read 5 books in less than a month(talk about distracting) and I accomplished little else. So I stopped reading until this past sunday night. I borrowed some books from my dearest Claire and started reading a book titled Moth Smoke. I'm a bit over 50 pages in and I'm loving it so far. It's different from anything I've ever read and the author's voice is so loud it's like he's telling me the story face to face.

Another goal I've managed to ace this week is no soda. Water and tea only. I've done just that. I drink water all day and I have a cup-o-tea at least 3 times a day. English breakfast makes for a nice kick in the morning to replace coffee, and I fill my day with tazo passion, throat coat for these ol' vocal chords, Jasmine green, and some Sleepytime before bed. Considering how much I love tea, this goal has been an easy one with zero failures.

The final thing I will discuss and would like to squash TODAY, is sweets. NO MORE. I love sweets too much and I rarely over indulge but with halloween candy still lyin around and leftovers from thanksgiving slowly disappearing, it's been hard to stop the trend. I don't think I've gone one day without at least a starburst or 2 since October and I want to make a pact with myself to have ZERO sweets until the wedding in Mexico, because cake. It can't be THAT hard to resist sweets for 16 days amiright? stupid sugar and being all delicious and what not.

Well that's all for today folks. I've gotsa a'lotsa cleaning to do! Expect an update every 1-2 days since my busy, BUSY life leaves little time for blogging! PEACE and LOVE and thanks for giving any amount of shits!!!

https://www.americanexpress.com/us/small-business/openforum/articles/5-things-successful-people-do-that-others-dont/?extlink=of-syndication-Recommended_Reads-Taboola-109704871-p

Day 1: Addictions

Self-reflection is a handy tool! When I come back down to earth and see myself for what I am, human, I'm reminded of my imperfections and comforted by the idea that so is everyone else! We're all equal and we're all flawed. We all make mistakes every day and the only person stopping me from putting an end to the madness is of course MYSELF! and that is OKAY! Understanding myself and my imperfections has aided my ability to be extremely open in mind and heart for others. It is a liberating way to live, putting judgements aside, having empathy for others whose path you haven't walked. A little love and understanding goes a long way.

Back on topic meow...bad habits. Need to squash em. Here we go.

Number 1: Addiction(s)

I have overcome many addictions in my short life. Food was the first, becoming obese by the age of 10. It was torture and lead to another addiction, battling bulimia for nearly a decade. Along the way I picked up and dropped off addictions to several drugs, the worst was Xanax. I needed it to feel normal but instead I completely lost myself and much else in the process. I also had temporary struggles with cocaine, ecstasy and alcohol. Anything to get high. Anything to forget.

With the worst of my addictions left in the past I'm down to two; Facebook and nicotine.

Facebook, oh Facebook. I love it and I hate it. I love having a way to keep in touch with friends and family, seeing how people have changed and grown and their beautiful lives and families. But I hate how much negativity I see as well. Bashing others, blasting ignorance and hatred instead of tolerance and love. For every post that makes me smile, there's another post or comment that evokes passionate anger and disgust, making it hard to hold my tongue. I live with the urge to defend anyone and everyone who wishes to share their opinions freely, in a non-offensive way, even if I don't agree. We all have the right to our own beliefs and diversity is what makes this world so beautiful. Agree to disagree. Let others have their opinion respectfully and peacefully. Have an open mind. Its amazing how much you can learn and how much perspective you gain when you do so. ITS OKAY FOR OTHER PEOPLE TO THINK DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU AND VICE VERSA.

Nicotine. I quit cigarettes. Yay for me. I've been smoking since I was a freshmen in high school and I finally found it within myself to cut the shit out after smoking at least half a pack a day for the past 3 years. But this damn E-cig. I think its more of an oral fixation than a nicotine addiction but I can't put the thing down. Sure my health has improved drastically and my singing range has nearly doubled, but Its extremely annoying to feel dependent on something so stupid. If I misplace it I nearly have an anxiety attack trying to find it and that is NOT okay. Not to mention how consistently it malfunctions and it is NOT a cheaper alternative. Plus I don't know the long term effects so the sooner I quit the better.  I traded one addiction for another and I cannot truly celebrate quitting smoking until I quit using an E-Cig.

The Plan:
Rome wasn't built in a day and all that shnazzz and they say it's best to take baby steps so that's what I will do. As of right now I do not intend to say goodbye to Facebook forever, but to stop depending on it. I have already removed the App from my phone and I plan on taking a hiatus for one month starting tomorrow, Dec.2-Jan.2. I will temporarily delete my profile and communicate with people face to face, over the phone, or via text message. After the month if I feel superbly liberated from it I will keep it down longer. We'll see how I'm feeling in a month!

As far as the E-cig is concerned, tomorrow, I will start by using it every other hour. While I can use it for one, the next I will put it away and will not touch it until the hour is over. I will increase the amount of time I do not use it every day. So day two, 2 hours of non-use for every hour of use, day 3-3 hours of non-use for every hour of use and so on until I can learn to live without it. Self control is a funny thing.

Everyday I will use this blog to hold myself accountable for my progress and actions and I will continue adding new ways I plan to improve.

Time for (more) change!

My life is a never-ending cycle of self-improvement and I love it! I embarked on this quest to become the best version of me possible at a very young age, as far back as my mind will take me. It's incredible, 23 years in, to see how much learning and growing and improving and maturing has occurred, and knowing how much still lies ahead is intimidating, to say the least. But it's happening. I had another one of my seemingly constant epiphanies last night and told myself I would write this blog this morning and I'm doing it! 10 points to Griffindor!

Haha anyways...so where I'm at now. Happier than I have ever been. Madly in love with the most incredible, supportive, and loving man I thought only existed in fairy tales with three amazing kids who have completely changed my perspective of children and parenting and have enriched my life more than words can say. I have a 3.5 year old son who reminds me daily how beautiful it is to be alive and to have a purpose with no more than a shy smile or an adorable belly laugh. My relationship with my family has improved dramatically. I've made a plethora of new friends and have even better friendships with the few who have stuck beside me after all these years. I'm working on original music with like-minded musicians who have exactly the right mix of passion and talent and flexibility to make the experience what I always imagined it should be...Everything is exciting, exhilarating, and just what I hoped my life could be. The only thing holding me back now is ME.

If I'm going to enjoy this one and only life of mine to the fullest, I will have to make some changes. I need to get my mind and body right before my soul can be at peace. My greatest asset is my ability to self-reflect, so here is the plan. I will use this blog as a daily reminder of the improvements I need to make. I will hold myself accountable. I will be brutally honest in my successes and my failures. Success will be the fuel to keep this train moving and my failures will be a humble reminder of how much work it takes to get the most out of life. The struggle is always worth it. The struggle helps me appreciate what I have more, knowing what I went through to get here, and the ability to share and inspire others to overcome struggles of their own.

Today I will begin by admitting ALL of my bad habits. The habits I want and NEED to get rid of. The bricks on my shoulders I see and feel weighing me down and slowing my pace.  I will also introduce some new habits I know will enhance my life. Out with the bad, in with the good. I want to be held accountable. I want to be a ball of positive energy and light for everyone I know or will meet. I want to be selfless and free from negativity.

Since this is already pretty long I will make a separate post for these.